Husband and Kisses

As a reminder to myself, and others who might benefit from it..taken from AllExperts.com.

Question
I've been with my husband for 11 years. He never kisses me except for a little during sex, or if he does kiss me it is just a small very impassionate peck on the lips. On numerous occassions I have tried to get close to him and kiss him, he always gives me some comical kiss and then wipes his mouth like a five year old who has been kissed by his aunt. I told him I didn't like the way he kissed me, but he didn't do anything about it. I have told him on several occassions that I like kissing, but he never reciprocates. Are there reasons why he doesn't kiss? It feels sometimes like we are more like brother and sister, and when we have sex it is just so he can fulfill his needs and return to business. It doesn't feel like we have a real physical connection.

Answer
Dear Jill,

Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.

It seems that kissing is a matter of personal preferences and is much more often desired by the woman than the man in a relationship. Your situation is not at all unusual.

In order to fully understand this, it is important to try to get into the other person's head - which of course, is not easy. Most men view love/sex as a functional thing. Rare is the man who is possessed of a truly romantic side (there are some out there, however). Men who kiss in a passionate and loving way (even in conjunction to sex), are indeed rare.

Because love/sex is a functional thing, they see no good reason for it. It doesn't accomplish much. Most men don't care much for foreplay either, but they have learned - or been taught - that their women generally give them a better reaction toward sex if they "bother with it". Kissing on the other hand, they an see not real use for.

When couples are courting, usually a man will kiss more because he can see that this action is more likely to induce a feeling of closeness with the female and thus she might be more willing to have a sexual experience with him. Married men, however, do not feel the "need" to engage their woman since a sexual experience is more guaranteed.

Sadly, modern culture (movies, novels, television), has given most women unrealistic expecations when it comes to kissing. In the "real world" it is exceedingly rare that a couple kiss after the initial courting period. If so, it is usually as you describe a peck on the cheek or lips. In some ways modern culture has been unfair to men by establishing this expectation. In other words, it is not the MEN who are acting badly, they are acting normally for them - it is modern culture that is acting badly by instilling the unrealistic desire that women have about kissing beyond the courting stage.

I expect that the reason that you "like" kissing, as you put it, is that it reminds you of the feelings you had during your courtship period. Those "butterfiles in the tummy" type of feelings that are so powerful, yet so fleeting. Sometimes a good kiss can actually recapture those feelings, if only for an instant. Most women (me included), really enjoy that. Also, kissing is perceived as somewhat glamerous since we see it in the movies, between the leading lady and the hero. It brings us a sense of fantasy - suspension of reality. For a moment we can be the movie stars. To us women kissing has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with romance.

Do not think too harshly of your husband because he doesn't "get it". He never will and if you keep trying to convince him of the joys of kissing he will continue to be bewildered. If he does kiss you, be glad, but I wouldn't push the issue. Men are simply wired differently and they don't get what we get out of a nice kiss. Let it pass. Instead, consider every nice thing he does, or every nice word he says HIS way of giving you a kiss. Everyone desires a little passion - that is normal. But don't let this desire become so strong and all encompassing that you become discontented without it. Learn to love, enjoy and appreciate what you HAVE and leave your passion with your fantasies and your memories. Your life and your marriage will be infinitely happier without the yearning. Believe me.

Thanks for writing. Hope everything works out. Let me know if I can offer any more to you.

R. M. French

...the term is "Asian kiss". Could Jill be Asian? God knows.
But I do have the same concern, except that I do get those kisses a lottttt, but they are "Asian kiss". What I really want is the kisses that we saw on tv! Haha silly me. But yeah, wouldn't it be wonderful? :P

Love,

me, TTC and Clomid

Those who were diagnosed with PCOS must have been introduced to Clomid.

That's the one I had last 2 years, after about 8 months having between 45-days' to 50-days' menstrual cycle, beginning from the month we got married. It was prescribed by the gynae I saw, Dr Seri, in Prince Court Medical Centre once she scanned my uterus and saw those little follicles (undeveloped eggs-which according to her, I have a lot of them..lazy eggs!)

So I was told to take 3 pills every night from day 2 to day 6 of my cycle.
To which I did, and gained 2 things:-
1) Shorter menstrual cycle, from 45-days' to 30-days' & 33-days' in the first and second month, respectively (but my period was shorter, heavy only on the 2nd day and the rest were like just spotting)
2) WEIGHT! Huhu :(
3) No baby.

After 2 months, I consulted her again & she told me that I "was not ovulating much". Sedih ok. Macam takde harapan :( I was also advised to reduce my weight, but I told her, I gained some with Clomid. She then prescribed me "Metformin" to help balance my insulin level that was possibly interrupted by Clomid.

I was disappointed. Being used to take Shaklee supplements when I was single, I just refused to take drugs and more drugs to correct my system. So I stopped, and that's the end of my chapter with Clomid.

I read many testimonials on Clomid as well, some succeeded, and some just experienced the same thing like I did (yeah, the exact 3 things :P). I do not regret taking it though, as it was fated that I have no rezeki with Clomid.

Or perhaps Allah knows that I need more time being just with my Hubs,and no other.

Love,

on another note..

I kind of love this new layout :)

And I kind of love sharing what I am trying out too, actually, but I wish I cud have more time to elaborate and share.

Anyway, I am putting up a shoutbox in case, just in case, if anyone would like to drop a word (or better still, questions) so I cud know what should I write on in times lost for direction, hehe.

Love,

2 months' menstrual cycle and 12 days period?

My cycle is craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.
So my last cycle lasted for exactly 70 days. SEVENTY FRIKIN DAYS.

How did I finally get my period, u ask?
Yes, I tried the Dimes Pineapple Juice. Didn't work.
And yes, next is ECPI. Drank 1.5L. Didn't work. (Last time it worked after abt 1L)
Tried the pineapple juice again, this time it's Just Juice. Didn't work.
Then I bulldozed my way into Herba Maharani. After 1.5 boxes...

there it came.

Should I credit it to Herba Maharani?
I would not rule out that it helps, but maybe, just maybe, it was just about time.

I am now on Day 10 of my new cycle and am still having light period, after 4 days of light period, 1 of normal flow, 2 days of heavy period (I stained my bed every nite) and 2 days of normal flow again. Phew.
Assuming another 2 days of spotting, that will make a 12-day period. Double phew.

I don't know what caused my period to skip a month, and I don't know what stimulated it to "come out" (haha!). Stress? Not really, except selalu merajuk with Hubster..:P Food? Impossible, since I've been religiously taking my supplements and avoiding coffee. (I read in Pregnancy Miracle that coffee is an absolute no-no). And the fact that I've been wearing the miracle corset makes it even more unjustified to have a crazy cycle, for it claims that it helps balancing the hormones in the body. Jadi mengapakah cycleku gila??

Love,

getting crazy with it

Day 37.

The warm fuzzy feeling in the belly remains.
But today, there’s the white discharge. Dunno howla it got there, on day 37! Takkan baru ovulate kot. I remembered having cervical cramps on Day 22 & 23. If that is no joke, then by right I should be having my menses today. But there are still no sign of that going to happen anytime soon. My breasts are tender, not stiff, there is no cramps even, down there.

I am so bothered, I start building my action plan:

1. Tomorrow (Tuesday): Test my first morning urine
a. If one line appear, keep my composure as the previous stick had told me the same thing. Next, move to #2.
b. If two lines appear, dance & hug the Hubs and give him some good news!*chicken dance*
2. I have half a day to think whether to:
a. Go to Cold Storage and buy Dimes Pineapple Juice, and needless to say, finish the whole bottle.
b. Do nothing in the morning, go to TTMC for the visiting gynae’s opinion and request referral letter
(Now, I also got to think and think and think about this, my friend did not recommend this gynae. And it’s a MALE GYNAE. Macam malu je? Hiks)
c. At the end of the day, after taking either one option, wait for the result………….
3. The day after tomorrow (Wednesday): Wait and wait and wait. And play some Kinect sampai lebam.
4. Thursday: Final day of ding-dong whether or not I am pregnant. GO SEE DOC.
If the result is NOT PREGNANT, go buy the friggin ECPI and drink sampai period!

With the plans in mind, I should start thinking of choosing my gynae. The criteria must be:
- Recommended
- Female
- Specialist
- Opens at night
- In PJ/Damansara/KL area

Now can anyone recommend any gynae that fits the bill? Help!!

Love,

my cycle is driving me crazy!

I am...6 days late!

Although i am quite sure that i am NOT pregnant (NO thanks to the stick), a part of me keeps on wondering if there is really something going on in my uterus. I've been having that warm fuzzy feeling in my uterus every now and then eversince the two-weeks-wait (TWW)...but that's the only thing i've been feeling. is there a baby being formed? or...even a cyst? Or a foreign object? (nauzubillah). Or is it the effects of the FIR emitted by the corset *cough i've been wearing penetrating my uterus?

The thing is that, that is the only event happening as far as my body is concerned (apart from the curve-forming weight-losing effects from *cough the corset *cough :P). Yes my boobs, i think, has upped to a cup bigger (hehe) but it is not stiff or sore or anything like that. And there is no nausea or headache as well. But the mood swings - yes. I can get depressed easily during the TWW up to now. But that's...normal. Hehe

In the book that I've been reading (Some Girls - Life in A Harem), Jill was 2 weeks late and she had a feeling that she was pregnant (although no symptom was described). However when she did the test it turned out negative. TESTS AFTER TESTS showed only a single line. She, however, went to a clinic and initially another urine test just confirmed the previous sticks' result...until she DEMANDED a blood test. And the blood test told otherwise! - and needless to say, it overruled all those single lines.

SO SHOULD I DEMAND A BLOOD TEST TOO?

haha.

This is disappointing, really. I've been
- watching what I eat; i.e no coffee, no pineapple, no coke, more vege..but I still drink green tea & feasted on that jeruk ginger accompanying every sakae sushi meals that I had (and I had it like, EVERY WEEK hehe)
- taking my supplements quite religiously; i.e vitamins A, C, E, alfalfa, omega-3, zinc..but i left out the folic acid (is that why?)
- doing some exercise with X-box Kinect
- wearing the *cough corset that supposedly help to regulate the hormones & lift the uterus back to its place, in case if it has 'misaligned'

So to still be late by 6 days and seeing only a single line is ...... DEPRESSING.

What should I do now?
Wait?
Wallop Coke & Pineapple Juice?
oh wait, i tried that, ITS NOT WORKING!!
Go see doc for opinion? (and demand a blood test?)

Drink ECPI? (I tried this twice in the first 2 months of missing my period and it's working)

What is the deadline for action?
How long more should I wait?

Love,

the bittersweet discovery

Five months has passed. 

Five menses. Haha.

And I thought we have passed that - the pressure of having a baby.

NOT!

1,2,3..counts of the happy news in the span of 2 weeks. 

Last week:

My cousin-in-law finally conceived after four years - after few visits to LPPKN - after 4 years of waiting - but BEFORE making it to IUI. After HSG, she was diagnosed as having blocked fallopian tubes. They planned to do IUI after Hari Raya period but poof! the little fella finally made it through.

Last night:

Our instant niece-in-law casually told me that there is a baby inside her Mama's belly, and they think it's a boy. Her Mama was just married to Hunn's elder brother last 31st July 2010.

This morning:

The husband of one of my close friend posted a pic on his FB wall, pic taken yesterday morning.

The pic of a HPT strip with 2 lines.

They were, indeed, good news.

I was genuinely happy for our cousin, they've been waiting for sooo long. And she has gone through quite a lot. 3 of our cousins got married not so long after another, and they were the first. The 2 couples after that conceived quite quickly, within the first 6 months after the wedding. Imagine how she must have felt upon hearing the pregnancy news.....

which

has

now

become

my turn

to

go

through..

I would be lying to say that I am happy for them.

I was not. 

So bad of me, but I still am not.

I've seen how my parents-in-law were happy whenever their cucu (although an instant one) came to visit. We've been staying with them for 1 year++, I swear they never looked happier. I feel guilty for not giving them grandchildren all this while..and to see what they have been missing. Although they have never ever bring up the subject of kids to us..I still feel guilty. I know that it's a very negative thought, which I shouldn't be having at all...but who am I kidding? This is the queen of all perasaan in the world! :( 

I know that I must not stay this way, that I should be positive, be happy for them, be happy to see those bumps coming to the house, bearing the new additions to the family. 

I pray that I will heal. I pray that I will find my thoughts to feel better.

And I pray that I will find that confidence that the time will come for us. That our turn WILL come sooner or later..

Love,