mahu kulontar perasaan ini jauh-jauh

Cheeeeelamak ayat tak tahan.
Hahaahaha.

Apa perasaan pun gua tabley nak cerita.
Tired?
Give-up?
Indifferent?
Just a slim line differentiating them from one another, tho.

Tired of thinking whether or not I shud try this and that to make me conceived (sidetrack jap, the phrase is inspired by . Really cool lady, whoever she is. Back to my story, yes I kinda tired of caring what else should i try, what regime must i follow religiously and what will happen if i bend the rules.Tired of giving attention to my vaginal mucous to see when is the best time, i mean when we must not fail to make love. Oh wait mcm byk aspek je nak meluahkan kepenatan ni. Lets give them their own respective airtime..

1. Like i said atas tadi. Day 16 onwards i will get that mucous, in different thickness of course. Tapi dah 2-3 cycles ni mucous yg mcm fertile tu happen x sama ngn ovulation date from back-calculation of my cycle days. The so-called fertile mucous comes like a week before calculated ovulation date, together ngn the cramps. Cud i be ovulating? Yes whenever that happen, we will make love either on that day itself or the next day, depends on last intercourse bila & our mood that time. Pastu on calculated ovulation day mcm xdela mucous byk sgt but like the wet days, we try to have it jugakla..

2. I read somewhere that a TTC couple shud have sex at least 3 days apart so that there is 'alive' sperm in your uterus all the time, in case if the egg comes out. This is due to the sperm lifespan of 72 hours. So in this case we are quite covered, ada jela alive sperm in my uterus. Tapiiiiii none made it to the egg. :( So mcm dah penat nak kisah/fikir - whyyyyyyy? (jawapan default, which is memang betul - is takde rezeki).

3. But other thoughts come to mind -
a. Are the sperms healthy?
b. Is there really an egg released from my ovary?
Hmmmmm soalan yang x dapek den nak figure out without help from a gynae.

4. Bila nak jumpa gynae lagi?
I am eyeing on Dr Adilah Ahmat ( but couldn't find any consultation hour that is not on weekdays. You see, if admitting that I am envious of my colleagues' pregnancy is hard enough, apatah lagi nak mintak excused from work utk jumpa gynae??? Huhuhu. Yes I am still struggling with being open about TTC, I still dunno how others can do it. *Note to self: Must learn.*

5. Give-up trying so-called magics in a pill or bottle whatever, though i must admit that maybe i haven't been so 'obedient' in makan all those things (lagi ko nak komplen kan, hahaha). So far I have tried:
a) Clomid ... became FAT zomg!
b) B'Young ... sampai dah x lalu nak minum lagi
c) Folic Acid ... huhu masih on FA now, makan jelah labuuuu
d) Green Tea ... from frequent to jarang2 now
e) Honey+Habbatus Sauda ... not for long
f) Susu kambing+kurma, blended ... yucky ewww tapi dah 3x kot minum
g) Date powder+honey+warm water ... same yucky ewww
h) Herba Maharani .. dah 3 cycles and had to stop.
Besides that, I also have significantly reduced
a) caffeine intake - no coffee no tea
b) ayam intake
c) pineapple & green apple intake to zero
d) jeruk2 asam2 yg mcm acidic gile

Well...I know and I do accept that STILL TAKDE REZEKI. :( Ok fine.


Love,